Monday, November 2, 2009

so you've decided to serve rich people!

hello! so, you've decided to SERVE RICH PEOPLE! welcome to the fast-paced and rewarding lifestyle of earning a living from the TABLE SCRAPS of the wealthy!
we here at SERVING RICH PEOPLE are glad you have joined us, warmly bringing you in to a beautiful dance, making slightly more than MINIMUM WAGE for hours of disdain and glaring from rich people IN YOUR AREA!
now i know what you may be thinking - what can I DO to serve rich people??? my past work experience only involves WORKING WITH UNDERPRIVILEGED CHILDREN and HELPING RUN MY SCHOOL LIBRARY.
do not worry!  serving rich people involves little to no training, just a WARM SMILE and an ability to shrug off condescending remarks ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS!
we have positions available now! you could serve rich people their food at any number of restaurants staffed by local ARTISTS and recent college GRADUATES! handling food not your thing? rich people also love MARTINIS after a hard day of MAKING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.  bartending is a great way to MAKE MONEY and be verbally and sexually HARASSED by men with 401 K PLANS and UNSETTLING MORALS!  
love CARS???
you could always park the cars of rich people on their way into dinner!
stand outside in DISGUSTING conditions for hours on end only to run and get someone's LEXUS or BMW at their beck and call!  feel like a SECOND CLASS CITIZEN as they investigate the outside of their cars before tipping you ONE DOLLAR!
and there are MORE options still!
there are thousands of rich children just begging to be BABYSAT! they also need to go to TUMBLING CLASS! and endless hours of PRESCHOOL! or just walked around THE BLOCK! 
act as a parent for a wealthy child as their creators do more important things, like WORK and ATTEND BANQUETS! you might become so good at watching over rich children they will mistake you for THEIR REAL MOTHER and become MORE EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED to you!  oh, how the benefits just pile up!
not really a kid person? well rich people have SO MUCH SHIT they need done during the day you can barely MAKE A LIVING doing things like WALKING THEIR DOGS or running simple errands for them!  as everyone knows, rich people turn into GOBLINS when they are forced to do physical labor, so imagine all the YARD WORK and LAUNDRY you could accomplish for them!  
the exciting world of SERVING RICH PEOPLE is laid out before you, and it is all yours FOR THE TAKING!  so make sure you look PRESENTABLE and get that smile ready, because RICH PEOPLE are out there just waiting for someone like you to make THEIR LIVES BETTER!!

2 comments:

emr said...

i love anything with a lot of caps in it.

also the captcha i have to type in down here is PIENEL. sounds clenchy.

get league pass, we gotta talk.

B-Bops said...

THE RICH are so thoughtful. They're also very capable of amazing feats with all of their RICHNESS and their countless CONNECTIONS. My RICH PERSON had my name legally changed. The nametag that I still have from my last job reads, "The Help."