Sunday, March 16, 2008

great business ideas

"alright everyone, now you are all well aware of the seriousness of this advertising campaign we have just picked up. i'm talking billboards, television and print of all kind. this is what we have been waiting for."
(murmurs of approval)
"quiet, everyone. please quiet down. now we have the general idea of what we want the message to be. we've put our best people to work on it and i think that this is our "where's the beef." yes, it's true. the ideas that have been put before me are amazing. we are going to kick the advertising world in the balls with this one.
but there's just one thing we can't seem to figure out. we have the content, but we just need the style in which we portray it. actually, we just need a font that will make the ad sizzle. you know? we just need something that can do justice to what we have in front of us. so i am opening the floor up for open discussion. our design team has been stumped, and nothing we think of really hits the spot. so we're begging all of you...please give us this missing ingredient."

"well...have we tried papyrus?"

"oh god yes. we tried the shit out of papyrus. but literally 80% of other businesses are using it. we need something that is unique, something that will help us stick out from the crowd."

"umm...i mean...the star wars font?"

"get the fuck out of my office."

"umm, may i interject something sir?"

"why you're just a janitor."

"a modest janitor, yes, but i have worked here as long as any of you. i windex your windows and quietly peel your pubes from the company urinals."

"which by the way you're doing a bang up job of."

"thank you. but...oh it wouldn't work."

"no, no. say it. you deserve a chance to say whatever you want."

"well...whenever i read anything, whether i'm at night school, driver's ed, alcoholics anonymous, a 4H raffle, the ice capades, chuck e. cheese, the local sporting events, local easter egg hunts, felony hearings, seedy male strip revues, childrens bmx races or secret santa gift exchanges there's always one font that makes everything light, funny and overall an enjoyable experience."

"yes? what is it, good sir. what is this cup of christ you hold before my lips?"

"ms comic sans."
"prince of persia!"
"of course!"
"why yes!"
"right fucking on!"

"you, janitor. what's your name?"

"my name sir? i'm stanley clemover, sir."

"clemover, you just became the richest janitor since richard pryor. grab my hand, i'm buying you a fucking pony."

weirdest entry ever.