"i bought a chairmat from you but a year ago and it's already broken."
"ok."
"now i need one that's not going to break."
"this is the best quality chairmat we have."
"can you guarantee that this won't break in two years?"
"well...i mean...it's covered by warranty."
"that's not what i'm asking. can you guarantee this won't break in two years."
"sure."
"because if this break's in less than two years i'm comin after ya. i just want you to know, i'll be on ya."
"sir, if you come here in two years and i'm still working here i want you to take me into the parking lot and end it. i'll be numb already so just make it quick."
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sir, i lost my mind somewhere between aisles 5 and 6. can you help me find it?
i sure hope you can because if you don't i'll get ya while you watch thursday night shows from 9-10 with a beer in hand on that paisley sofa in the lavender living room of your 1250 scott street ranch-style house with a black plastic mailbox in front of it...
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